Place these words on your hearts. Get them deep inside you. Tie them on your hands and foreheads as a reminder.
Deuteronomy 11:18
I am fighting with feelings of inadequacy today. I even have thoughts of giving up because it feels as if there is no way I will ever get it all right. I feel like I can't be totally committed to God and carry on my life at home. I feel like it interferes with my closeness to God where in reality I should feel closer to God when I am with my blessings and experiencing the life He chose for me. So what is my deal?
Immediately I want to blame satan for these thoughts......he is trying to steer me off the good path and discourage me from working for the Lord, but then I realize the feelings I am having aren't that of anxiousness or even complete failure. No, the feelings I feel carry peace with them, although uncomfortable, I don't feel condemned or stressed out about them. I could put them aside and forget them for a while without it eating away at me and consuming my thoughts. But the nagging is still there when I have time to focus my eyes on God. Could He possibly be speaking to me?
In my moment of confusion and slight discouragement I realize that the reason I feel the way I do is that I haven't invited God into my living room. Yes I have scripture on my walls and devotions sitting on my book shelf but I haven't directly asked God to bring my relationship with Him and my family life together. I haven't handed over my parenting and that is why I feel so discouraged when I am trying to do it alone. As I have been studying what my role is as a wife I can see how important it is to keep very close to God as I am trying to make a true change in my life. I can't just decide one day to change and go on about my day. I can't be different without a heart change, and only through God's power and with help from the Holy Spirit, is my heart capable of changing. But I will never see that change if I don't hand over control and allow it to happen. With my issues at home and my parenting skills being less than ideal I want things to change but until today I wasn't allowing God to use me and control my speech and my actions. Before today I never handed over my parenting skills and my children. It is an area I have always tried to control.
For some of you the thought of thinking of God all day is a little extreme. The idea of being in constant communication with Him seems over the top, but in reality it is the only way we can allow His power to work in us. Anytime we take our eyes off of Jesus and go solo we will have outcomes that are less than ideal and issues will arise that catch us off guard or too weak to handle. Any action or thought within us can change if we allow God access to our heart. Something that is less than adequate in my life can improve with a willingness and a constant thought of God's will for me. Deuteronomy 11:8 was given to us all and it was meant for us to really take hold of. It isn't just some words put together that sound good and Godly. We are literally to be putting Gods' word on our hearts and placing them deep inside of us. We are to be constantly thinking of God's power and control over our lives.
So instead of feeling inadequate today I will settle with broken knowing that my God has the power to fix me if I am willing to let Him. Now that He has revealed to me what He wants me to work on I will begin to study His word, hand over all of my control and keep His words on my heart and place them deep within me. Literally asking myself, what would Jesus do?...........How would God handle this situation? Friends, it is a daily walk we must be on with God! It isn't just something we take lightly and something we fit in when time allows. A daily surrender to God's word and His will! I won't tell you this walk is easy either and I won't pretend like I have understood it all my life or that I've lived it all my life! I have messed up more than I can count but the closer I am drawn to Him the more He reveals and the more I begin to look like someone different. I can't wait to get started on the things He has called to my attention! I can't wait to lay some more parts of me at the food of His cross! Thank You God for your patience and loving mercy!
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