A few weeks ago I wrote about 'Gentle Restoration.' It was a lesson God taught me about helping a friend find healing after sinning. But this week he has shown me that gentle restoration is to be proceeded by direct confrontation and deep love. Jesus loved his friends to much to watch them waste away in sin and disobedience. He confronted them and offered them a way out!
Proverbs 27:6 was brought to me yesterday. It says, "Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." A true friend is someone who doesn't sit back and watch us wallow in sin or disobedience. A true Christian confronts us though it may wound us. But an enemy avoids, looks away and talks about the mundane just to make us feel accepted.
So, how do we address a friend who is caught in sin? Proverbs 26:4 tells us "Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes." When you confront your friend, pray before going. Write down the facts, make note of the behaviors you see. If it's important write it down. A fool will argue, divert the conversation, and buildup their own pride. State the facts and leave it at that. Discussion leads to more sin.
Do not comfort the person in their sin. If the Holy Spirit is making them uncomfortable then don't offer words of consolation, but speak in love. How did Jesus speak in love? Well, when he was in the temple and his Father was being mistreated he turned over the tables and raised his voice. His love for his father would not tolerate the abuse that was happening. (John 2:15)
Go to the person and talk face to face. Don't call, don't text, don't send a letter. In Matthew 18:15-17 Jesus gives us clear directives, "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they do not listen, take one or two others along, so that every matter my be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector."
After you have stated the facts and the believer refuses to listen, go to them again with 2 or 3 others. Take people they respect. Take those who love them enough to confront and hold them accountable. If they refuse to listen, take the 'family'! Don't think that just because someone else has confronted this person and they didn't listen that you won't get through either. If you are convicted as you read this, then do it. Do it today! Don't wait. The enemy will try to distract you and divert you because you are the one who can rescue your friend.
Finally and most importantly, take the love of the Lord and his word. Offer your friend hope. Go confidently, believing and not doubting. Even the disciples couldn't heal when they doubted! Go in the Spirit. Pray yourself up to overflowing and allow God to fight the fight. Remember the enemy isn't the one caught in the sin… it's the one behind it!
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