Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
Jeremiah 31:13 NIV
I'm so glad Mary brought up seasons yesterday because it hit home for me. I am currently in a "winter" season. No, not because I hate the snow and cold weather, but because of my state of mind and the circumstances surrounding me at the moment. I have generalized anxiety and at any time, for no apparent reason, it can hit me out of no where. For the past month I have been struggling with several anxiety attacks that render me useless and paralyzed. I have medicine that can ease the symptoms and bring me down from a moment of complete panic and overwhelming feeling of impending doom, but that medicine doesn't help me from thinking about when or where I will have one again. And so I start to leave the house less, I start to lose interest in the things I once loved to do, and I get into something I like to call a funk. We are in the season of joy and happiness and laughter as we prepare to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, our savior and prince of peace. Knowing that God has gotten me through a few boughts of this, in the past, I am confident he will again bring me out into the spring where I can recaim my happy thoughts and my feeliings of peace. I will again be able to leave the house without worrying where I will have my next anxiety attack and I will go back to enjoying the things I love. But in this wait I will hold tight to His promise that He never leaves my side. I will celebrate these words above the says He will bring me out of this sadness into gladness. He will bring me comfort and joy and take away my sorrow and anxiety.
Some may wonder, and I do myself from time to time, if my anxiety is because I don't trust enough. You may think I am weak because I am worrying about things that I just need to hand over. If you aren't familiar with anxiety attacks or panic attacks then you may just think it's someone who worries too much about things. The truth is I don't worry about anything. I feel like God has my life in control and then just out of nowhere a fear and worry arise for no reason at all. In the middle of an attack I can't even tell you why I'm afraid. It is a chemical imbalance that causes the "fight or flight" reaction to go on overdrive in the middle of a dead sleep, or a peaceful night on the couch, or at the grocery store or, a basketball game. The symtpoms are many.......chest pains, tingling in your body, overwhelming fear or impending doom, a feeling of just needing to get away...but to where?, heart palpitations or a racing heart, the list goes on and for many the symptoms are totally different. But praise God!! It is only a season!! I tend to forget that when I am in the middle of the season but Mary's reminder, that this too shall pass, gave me hope and encouragement to contiue on. I may have to force myself out of bed, take some extra naps, see the doctor for new medicine but God is walking me through it all! He loves me, He knows what's best for my growth and I will stick it out until my new season shows up. Oh how I look forward to spring and even though I would love to go to sleep and wake up with the sun shining, the flowers blooming and the birds chirping, there is much to learn here in "winter". There is much to see in my God and much to sacrifice my praises to and be thankful for.
Friend, if you are batteling depression or anxiety I want you to know you are not alone. I pray for you to find help from a doctor, a friend, and find peace through our Lord Jesus Christ. Some days that peace can feel far from you. Some days you don't feel God's presence, but I promise He is there. He is fighting for you and working on His plan for what's best for you, His precious child. I ask you all to pray for people who are experiencing a difficult season in life right now. Maybe its yourself or someone you know........pray for the hope and confidence to stick it out, with God, until the season changes.
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