If....

If. It's the word that has plagued me all night. Just when I shut it down in one scenario it cropped up in another. It was a word that just wouldn't die. It's such a small word yet it seemed so powerful. I tossed and turned trying to put an end to it's nagging voice.

You know similar statements. They sound much like this...
      "If I would have just listened."
      "If only I had ________."
      "What if I could take back just that one action?"
      "What would my like be like if...?"
      "If I just hadn't _____."

As I awoke in the night with If statements meeting me at every turn, I had to work to change my mind.  It wasn't easy. It quite honestly was a long, hard fight. I battled most of the night. The negative thoughts came bringing with them companions like guilt, regret, and fear. I battled them down one at a time, all the while asking God to recall his word to my heart to speak truth over the lies that wanted to take up residence in my heart. His truths would come to my heart and I would recite the scriptures and refocus my mind on Christ. Until, yet another if statement reared its ugly head.

Finally as the sun rose, I could see the truth over the lies. The truth is that, yes, I could have lived my life differently, handled a situation with greater compassion, and stood firm instead of cowering in fear, but I didn't and the if statements were of no help. They were not from God. They were a tactic of my enemy to defeat, derail, and devastate me so that I would wake up feeling useless, as if I were a forever failure. The truth is this... I am human. I am by nature foolish, selfish, and prone to sin. I have and will make poor choices and mistakes. Yet, I am forgiven and nothing, no nothing, is unredeemed when it is given to the Lord. Where I am today is part of my journey and that journey is not complete until my last breath. I will not live with regret, but rather learn the lessons that are imbedded in my mistakes, grow from them, and allow myself the grace that Jesus offered me on the cross.

Whatever your past. Whatever your mistakes. The only if statement you need to focus on is, "If I give my life to the Lord, I will be forgiven and live forever with Jesus!"

Dear Jesus,
Forgive me for my choices and mistakes. Tender my heart to hear your voice as I journey on. Guide my steps and lead me in your ways. Take the if thoughts and help me learn from them and bind the harm that the enemy intends to cause through them. Amen

Blessed is the one whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered.

Psalm 32:1