Saturday, September 28, 2013

Getting Real




“It’s who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That’s the kind of people the Father is looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before him in their worship. God is sheer being itself—spirit. Those who worship him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration.” John 4: 23-24 MSG

I was keeping my grandson overnight. He began to grunt and groan about 3:30AM, so I hurried down to the kitchen to prepare a bottle for him. I thought if I could have it ready, he wouldn’t fully wake up thus allowing both of us a few more hours of sleep. As I returned upstairs I didn’t want to turn on the lights…Big Mistake! As I heard his groans become a full-on cry I began to rush. In the pitch black I turned too quickly and crashed right into the wall. The reality that I’d hit the wall came through an intense stinging in my thumb. I had jammed my fingernail into the wall lifting both the fake nail and the real nail under it. I pressed on and as the baby ate, I began to realize how absurd the whole scenario was. I go to a salon called ‘Real Nail’ to have fake nails applied. I ran into the wall because I didn’t want to walk in the light. Though no one else can see the pain, I know its there because it even hurts to type these words! And I will now have to go to ‘Real Nail’ to have the fake nail painfully removed so the black and blue, wounded finger underneath can begin healing. Makes me think of my own faith journey…

For the last few years God has laid on my heart that I needed to ‘get real’ with him. From the outside most people would have never known I was struggling. I put on a happy face, kept silent, and went about business. A mask covered my hurt and sin. But eventually the pain underneath the mask became so intense that I had to allow God to tenderly and painfully remove the mask. He’s taken me from a place of sin and brokenness to a place of trust and hope. But it didn’t come easily. It hurt and at times I felt I just couldn’t go on. But he pursued me until I ‘got real’ with him.  In my brokenness I found I was hiding from God. I had gone to him in prayer but didn’t really allow him into the depths of my heart. It wasn’t until I lay on my bed and just cried, confessed, and declared my need for him that He and I began a journey of healing. God couldn’t work with me until I was honest with myself about my sin and my needs. I needed to expose the hurt so the healing could start… on the inside! 

Related readings: John 4:1-26, Psalm 32:3-5, 1 Samuel 1:15-16

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